I just took my driver’s test and as always, it was a horrible experience. From what I hear, a large percentage of applicants flunk, and it is rumored that the DMV is rethinking their test questions.
This unpleasant ordeal occurs every five years. I find the whole thing frightening, and bone up weeks in advance. I go to the DMV for the latest handbook and pay particular attention to important facts, such as the maximum speed for towing a trailer, how many days I have to register a truck, and what the licensing procedure is for moving here from another state. It doesn’t matter that I don’t own a trailer, I do not drive a truck, and that I’ve never lived any place but in the Bay Area. That I know these procedures is evidently important to every driver on the road.
Friends lend me their old tests, which I duplicate and add to my burgeoning file. These are actually the most helpful aids to study. Some questions are repeated in all tests, and by going over them, I can more easily remember the answers.
My scores matter to me, so it’s comforting to note that few of my friends have perfect papers either. Once, years ago, I had a test without a single mistake, and the kindly DMV clerk complied with my request to write a large “A” across the top. I posted it on the refrigerator door when I got home and left it there for months.
By the time the test day arrives, I’ve crammed for countless hours, so it depresses me to see red checks on my paper. The problem is that I often envision circumstances that make several answers correct. I guess you aren’t supposed to think, and to argue your reasoning with officialdom does no good.
As I drive down the freeway, I see thousands of cars, and in every car, I see a driver. Taking a bell shaped curve for intelligence, I find it difficult to believe that all those thousands of drivers can be smart enough to pass the test. I’ll bet that not one in ten thousand knows he must signal 100 feet before a turn, that he must purchase an Ambulance Driver Handbook for five dollars if he wants to drive an ambulance, or that any time he merges with other traffic, he needs a gap of four seconds.
As a matter of fact, to judge by the way some people drive, they must have failed the test many times over. Just this morning I saw one guy make a right turn from the middle of the freeway. He crossed in front of three lanes of traffic, and although I didn’t do it, I was sorely tempted to convey my displeasure in an unladylike manner.
One of my friends tried to cheat when she took her last driver’s test. She is the same person who during high school days, would call the night before a book report was due to ask if I had any old ones. Anyway, she recently went for her driver’s test and discovered that she hadn’t studied enough. She whispered to the man who stood beside her that she’s like the answer to the first three questions. He glared at her and moved away. Although she knew they had different tests, she was quite irritated. She said it wouldn’t have hurt him to help her out.
They say pain has no memory, but don’t you believe it. The other day I skipped happily out of the Walnut Creek DMV, clutching my new temporary license. My ordeal was over.
With a light heart, I drove onto the freeway, but I wasn’t halfway home before an ugly thought intruded. In less than five years I’d have to start studying again and relive this whole miserable experience.
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